Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
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