I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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