After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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