You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
