All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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