Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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