so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Randomize
