we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
