You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Randomize
