In America we eat man semen.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
