I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
