I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
