my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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