saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
did i just pee glitter
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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