I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
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