We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
