I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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