So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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