I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Houston, we have a squirter
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
