So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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