It's Friday. Sex?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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