its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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