If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
