Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
