So drunk, too bad you don't want this
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Randomize
