Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
