I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Randomize
