just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
