dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
