well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
