the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
