Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
