Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Randomize
