It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
