if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
