Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
