he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
