I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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