I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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