I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
