I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
