I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
