At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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