ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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