i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
