Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I came so hard my ears popped.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
