wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
