I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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