I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
