i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Say something about gay babies.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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