How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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