told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
