Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Bring me that man meat
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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