Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
