Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Randomize
