Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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