textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
