there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
